(From the Pages of my Diary..)
10pm , It was Friday Night – last day of a long week of work , work and work. Like any ordinary day that passes by any normal people who strives to live amidst this cycle we called life.
As I was waiting for my ride to go to my office, I remember that at this exact time, exactly a year ago I was with someone under the blanket of stars in the cool breeze of the night. I remember it very clearly even up to now – him and me locked in each others embrace whispering sweet nothings and making what seems then undying promises to one another.
Yes, at this age of modern science and modern societies insensibilities, its still in our nature to be hopeless romantics and mushy when it comes to expressing our love to someone we really care for. I’ve always believe that not only is love the most powerful force in existence but it is in reality human nature to love and give love.
Remembering how I was then with him brought back deep pains in my heart. Its like every thought that I make in regards to our moments together flood tears in my cheeks for It was with him that I found love – and it was with him that I lost it.
It’s really hard remembering how it used to be.How much a person will mean to you in just a very short period of time. How one can be so very much in love with someone. Those were our days –
It’s over. He’s gone.
Which leads me on thinking, Why do we have to part while the love is still there? Why do we have to suffer? Why do we have to cry when somebody bids goodbye? Why do beginnings have an end? Why do we have to meet only to lose in the end?
There are questions left unanswered, words left unsaid, letters left unread, poems left undone, songs left unsung, love left unexpressed, promises left unfulfilled.
In a relationship, I realized that one of the hardest things to do is saying goodbye and letting go. It is as hard as breaking a crystal because you’ll never know when you will be able to pick up the pieces again. More often than not, they who go, feel not the pain of parting: it is they who stay behind that suffer, because they are left with memories of a love that was meant to be, a love that was. This was the pain I have to bear.
But I’ve learned through experience that at the beginning and at the end of a relationship, we are embarrassed to find ourselves alone. Unfair as it may seem, but that’s the way love goes. That’s the drama, the bittersweet and the risk of falling in love. After all, nothing is constant but change. Everything will eventually come to its end without us knowing when, without us knowing how, without us even knowing why. And we must forget not because we have to but because we have to.
In letting go, sorrows come not as a single spy but in battalion. It seems that everywhere you go, everything you do, every song you hear, every turn of your head, every move of your body, every beat of your heart, every blink of your eye and every breath you take always reminds you of him. It’s like a stab of a knife, a torture in the night. Funny how the whole world becomes depopulated when only one person is missing. Just imagine, there are billion people on earth and yet it seems you feel lonely and empty without the other.
I don’t know if it’s worth calling an art, but letting go entails special skills sparkled with a considerable space and time. Time heals all wounds but it takes a little push on our part. Acceptance plays a part. Not all love stories end with “…and they live happily ever after.”
Sometimes we have to part because of circumstances beyond our control. We have to suffer if it would mean happiness for others. We have to cry to temporarily let go of the pains. Every beginning has its end like every dawn has its dusk. It’s something we can’t control, something we had to live up.
It’s over. He’s gone. But life has to go on. Goodbye doesn’t always mean forever. There will always be a place and time where questions will be answered, words will be spoken, letters will be read, poems will be recited in the night, songs will be sung in harmony, love will be expressed in solitude and promises will be fulfilled. Somewhere. Somehow. Someday.